Angie R. Cox

wife | mom | church planter | social worker | blogger

Do Over = Grace

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I am in love with grace. I love the word. I love the idea of it. I love what it represents in my own life and I love seeing it bestowed on others. Sadly though, as much as I love grace….I fail to administer it to the people I love the most.

I have the great opportunity each week to attend a Bible study with other moms. Lately, we have been studying how to love our children like Jesus loves us. That is the goal, right? But, if you’re like me…that standard leaves you feeling like you may not ever get it right. Here is just one change I have made in my parenting that has changed everything.

The “Do over”! What a beautiful thing! Do you ever wish when you said something unkind to your husband, or lost your patience with your kids, or failed to show sensitivity to a person in need, that you could say “Do over!” That is exactly what we are doing in the Cox house these days. Each family member has the right to ask for a “do over” and as parents Brandon and I give the opportunity for a “do over” before we “bring down” the long arm of the law in consequences and the usual ensuing lecture.

I’ve discovered that the chance for a do over is grace. It’s the chance for us to say, “you didn’t get that right and you deserve consequences, but I want to give you another chance to get that right…because I love you”. Isn’t that what we all want in this life? We want to be shown grace when we mess up. We want the chance to make it right. It’s what our Father bestows on us daily and I desire for the way I parent my children to point to the Father and His great love for them.

Did I mention I love grace?

Lessons learned in the Bathroom

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Our California BathroomA few weeks ago I had the amazing privilidge to share part of my story with Pastor’s wives at the Radicalis conference at Saddleback Church. Here is a portion of what I shared:

Change is inevitable. It’s going to happen. If we’re alive and breathing on this planet than we know we will experience change in some shape and fashion. Why does God bring change into our lives? I believe he brings about change to grow us, to draw us closer to Him, to bring Him glory. However, while change is unavoidable, spiritual growth through change is a choice.

When we moved from our home in Arkansas to Southern California, my sweet family experienced a heavy dose of change. I struggled. I frequently found myself in tears, or angry and frustrated. When these feelings would come-I had to retreat. One of the problems in living in a small condo with no yard (with a newborn baby) is there isn’t anywhere to go. So I found myself getting as far away as possible in my little home – on the bathroom floor. Just me… sitting there, facing our 1970’s model toilet with it’s mahogany seat.  Just me and the Father and all of my feelings of fear, sadness, and entitlement.

While I was struggling with the questions of “why are we here?” and “what’s my role?”, God very clearly began to teach me three big lessons. It was critical that I began to move through this change, to grow through this change and eventually get up off the bathroom floor. Here’s what I learned:

Trust Me

God wanted me to trust Him. I had put all of my “trust” in my husband. I would say to myself, “he’s God’s man” and “I trust Him to know God’s will for our lives.” But I was really not trusting anyone. When things got tough or didn’t work out the way I had planned, I had someone to blame. I could point the finger at my husband and say “I trusted you,” which wasn’t God’s plan. He desired for me to trust Him. He could handle my questions and fears.  He could reassure me the way only a loving Father could with His peace. Psalm 9:10 say’s, “Those who know your name will trust in you. For you Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

Watch Me

In change, we worry about “what’s next?” We worry about finances, relationships, and health. I would often say to my husband, “How is this going to work?” I couldn’t see the answers, and he had no answers. And the whole time I’m looking for answers, God is saying “Watch me.” Ephesians 3:20 says, “God can do anything you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His spirit deeply and gently within us.”

Know Me

During the initial stages of this transition, much of my old identity was stripped away: the friends that occupied my time; the responsibilities I had in our previous church; and a full-time job in a professional career. God was removing all the “noise” from my life so that I would see him and know him. He was pursuing me with His love. “Be still and know that I am God”. (Psalms 46:10)

So…what is God teaching you through change? I’d really love to know!

Addicted to Comfort

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Last week, Brandon and I had the  privilege of spending sweet time with Bruce and Heather Moore. Bruce and Heather have an amazing story of obedience to the Father and we were blessed to “sit at their feet” and hear their story. As Bruce was sharing with us, he used the phrase “addicted to comfort”. As soon as the words left his mouth I felt a twinge of discomfort! Could that be me?

You see most of us think comfort is a good thing. We believe that we have “arrived” if we are comfortable in this life. The problem with this thinking is Jesus was not comfortable. From his birth in a manger to his death on a rugged cross, He was not comfortable.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to have wealth, material goods, or stability. God is abundant in blessings to His children. But I am saying that when we put such great value on our own comfort at the cost of taking a risk for Christ-we will miss His best for us.

It really all boils down to where and in who we find our satisfaction. If I am satisfied in Christ alone, then all other sources i.e. nice home, expensive cars, secure job, 401K, will fail to provide the “comfort” only the Father can give.

I am humbled by the example of many including Bruce and Heather. You can read more about their faith journey here.

Peppers from Heaven?

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PeppersA few weeks ago in our small group we contemplated the question, “Is the Creator of the Universe concerned about the minute details of our lives”? It’s a big question and I’m quick to answer yes. But then I wonder, is He really or am I just so concerned with my life that I assume God must be up in Heaven equally deliberating over weather or not I should wear the brown shoes or the red shoes. Like I said, it’s a big question…thankfully, He’s an even bigger God. I don’t think God is as concerned about the color of my shoes as He is with where I’m going to be walking in those shoes-to serve Him, to minister to a neighbor, to love on my family.

However, I do believe God is in the small things and sometimes He gives a clear sign that say’s “I’m here and I’m listening and if it’s important to you, it’s important to me”.  Last night I decided to make a chicken spaghetti dish for a sweet family who is in my small group. They are moving this weekend and she is super pregnant. I went to the grocery while I did not have the 9 month old baby who hates to shop with  me. When I got home I realized I had forgotten the bell pepper. Now my husband quickly encouraged me to just forget about the pepper. But I promise you, it is not the same…it NEEDS the bell pepper. I began to contemplate when I could get the pepper…I had my ladies Bible study in the am and then I needed to prepare the dish. I could get the pepper on the way home, but Sam falls asleep and so waking him up to go in the store..blah, blah, blah…you mom’s get it…a nightmare. I went to bed thinking about the pepper and I woke up thinking about the pepper.

When I walked into my ladies Bible Study, a large room with probably 25 big round tables, all covered in white table clothes – I kid you not…there was one table in the middle that stood out…almost like it had a light from Heaven shining down on it. At each place setting at the table was one perfectly perfect bell pepper. I knew instantly that was my table and sure enough one of the sweet momma’s at my table had picked us each a pepper from her garden and brought them to share.

God gave me a bell pepper this morning and whispered “I love you”. I cried over the stinkin pepper…but I really cried over the undeniable presence of the “God who sees” me and my need for a bell pepper. So…What is God whispering to you? How is He showing you that He sees you?

Image: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Pass It On

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DucksThis year we have jumped feet first into the adventure of homeschooling. Many factors influenced our decision to home school Ella, but the culmination of having a new baby brother, moving to California and journeying into a whole new church life was all the change we felt Ella Grace needed. So here we are. I must admit, it’s not easy. We kind of “honeymooned” so to speak the first few weeks, then we hit a wall. We’ve had “impatient mommy” days, “whiny Ella” days, and “needy Sam” days. Were pushing through and despite all our various emotions and needs…I think she’s learning something. Of course I know she’s learning multiplication, nouns/verbs/pronouns, American history, photosynthesis, ect. But there are some things Ella is learning that I didn’t include in my lesson plans…

  • She’s learning how to be a mom. Sam provides constant distractions and interruptions; however, Ella has the privilege of watching me nurture and take care of him. She gets to take part in his care and their bond is stronger because of it.
  • She’s learning that her mom is very flawed. She’s seeing sides of me that I’m not sure she’s seen before. Trying to explain math brings out my “ugliness”. She’s seeing me struggle with my sin. However, she’s also seeing me demonstrate a repentant heart. She’s learning that while my flesh is weak, my Creator is not and we can go to Him with our flaws, and He is faithful to work in our hearts.
  • She’s learning to embrace the moment. One of the blessings of homeschooling is the benefit of a flexible schedule. We enjoy many cuddle breaks, tickle fests and outdoor adventures.
  • Finally, she’s learning about her Lord. Our Ella is a sponge. She soaks up what she learns and asks questions. We consistently have to call Daddy to get answers to some of her questions. She’s developing a craving for His word and getting to dive into together is worth every other “not so great” moment.

I just love how we have our “plans”, and God is able to teach us more than we could ask or imagine. Of course you don’t have to be homeschooling your children to get it right.

What are you passing on to your children?