So here I am at 4:30 in the morning-unable to sleep. I tried watching some mindless television, then read a book, talked to the Lord and then surfed the web. I decided this could be a good opportunity to catch up on my blog. I must confess, I have been really bad at this. I apologize for those of you-who have waited daily for some new bit of wisdom imparted from this site (okay the only person who checks it is my mom) but nonetheless-I will try to catch you up on life these last few months.
Back in March I studied for and took the social work clinical exam. For those of you outside the field of social work-this is a big deal. It is the culmination of 6 years of college, 3 years post graduate school work, licensure as a master level social worker, and two years supervision of clinical work. I was not confident that I would pass this test-but grace abounds and here I am now an LCSW. What does this mean for my future and career? I don’t know. I feel that I’m currently having a “career crisis”. I have worked the past three years in the local community mental health center-and let me just say that it can be tough. The burn out rate in this profession is high and I’m feeling quite “toasty”. I’m praying about God’s direction in my career choices. I’ll post more later (I know your thinking “sure you will-like 6 months later”) on my passion as a social worker.
In April the Bethel Womens ministry hosted a retreat. Let me just say first off that we know how to “retreat” and have a great time. The theme of our retreat was “This is my Story”. Different women from our ministry team along with my mom (who came from St. Louis with my sister and their friends) shared personal stories of how God had worked in our lives. I shared the first night about my story being one of someone who was “waiting”. I spoke about Anna who waited her whole life for the redeemer and to proclaim his birth. I shared our struggle with growing our family and the pain of loss and “waiting” on God to answer our prayers. Sharing with these ladies was difficult for me-being vulnerable and putting myself out there-but God is so faithful and I walked away feeling satisfied that I had honored him and that my loss and pain had purpose because I was able to Glorify my Father. A special gift was hearing my mom share her story. My mom has faced much adversity and more than her share of grief and loss-but she has lived the life of one who truly trusts her Lord. Her story is a post all of it’s own-I’ll get to that one too-very soon!
When I originally started writing this blog-part of my intention was to chronicle our journey to grow our family as Brandon and I deal with secondary infertility. I had read many blogs of women going through this same battle and was encouraged by their thoughts, feelings and openness. I must confess that right now I’m just not in a place to do that. I’m not sure why-may be it is self protection-but I (we) feel fiercely private right now about where we are. I will say that we are still praying and seeking God’s will for our family-we are still seeking the wisdom of our reproductive endocrinologist, and we are still “waiting”. We covet the prayers of God’s people for us-and you can pray with the assurance that He knows exactly where were at and what we need.
Ella finished the 1st grade-with straight A’s at that. She is growing up way too fast. I have prayed for so long that she would have more confidence and all of a sudden she now appears to be a little braver and more independent. It’s an answer to prayer-but at the same time difficult to see her growing up and needing me less. Oh the irony of motherhood. Your goal is to help them grow, feel safe enough for independence and yet your heart wants to hold them close and pray that time stands still.
It is now summer time and I have the privilege of being off for the summer and spending the days with Ella. We have a lot of fun-we try to go to the water park weekly; we build forts in the living room; yesterday we got out the Easy Bake Oven and she whipped up some sugar cookies. Brandon seems to enjoy the slower pace of the summer and my ability to cook more, clean more and in general my not asking for so much of his assistance with these things. I must admit I enjoy having the time to take care of he and Ella without the stress of a full time job. Makes it awfully difficult to go back to work come August. We have enjoyed a quick trip over to Branson, a full week of VBS, volunteering in Bethel’s food pantry every week, and countless play dates. We are looking forward to a week long vacation (a first for us) at the beach in August. Summer has been flying by and I’m trying to hang on to each moment-God has been faithful to us and Life is Sweet!